I need your help! ! ! !
I have been imprisoned here for almost two months now. This is the first time I've had a chance to communicate with the outside world -- and that's only because bucketheadCFO found out where I was and arranged to sneak a broadband card in to me. (She said someone named "UnaCrapper" hacked into the corporate network and found out where I was. UACRAPPER?!?!? I'm out of the building for a few weeks and those idiots hire someone named UNACRAPPER?!?!? And they wonder why I can't let people be deciding shit on their own. Unacrapper. God help me, I can only imagine what those crazy CEO's are doing down there without my guiding hand (fist!).
And Buckethead, that lazy ass, she didn't smuggle it in herself of course, but I thank her for it none the less. She is quite the master at delegation lately so my hat's off to Devon for being her courier. And given HOW he had to smuggle the card in . . . man, I owe you is all I can say. And it won't hurt to sit down forever.
So anyway, they told me I was flying to Dallas for a budget presentation and that a car would meet me at the airport. Next thing you know, I'm blindfolded and being taken for "training". Something about learning people skills. They said it was an "executive retreat" but the razor wire sorta sends a different message.
They said I could leave when I was able to demonstrate "diminished asshole tendencies." What the hell does that mean? It means they're going to keep my ass here until corporate stops paying, that's what it means. I've been through 3 "executive coaches" already. I have to get one of them to sign off on my progress before I can leave.
I knew it was a set up as soon as I met my last "coach." He only speaks Portuguese. Great. I've gotta go, it's time for chores and it's my week to feed the chickens.
PS: Given WHERE Devon had to put the card to smuggle it in, I don't know why Buckethead didn't send a USB one instead of the big credit card sized one. Maybe she was just mad at Devon, I dunno.
Later, time to feed the chickens.
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1 comment:
Boss! Great to hear from you, I see the card worked!
Bummer about the having to feed the chickens.
I am sorry it took so long for me to get it to you. I don't want you to think that we don't miss you. I would never try to delay your release just so I could keep sleeping late every morning or anything like that.
PS: I was confused about the comment about the USB modem -- I gave Devon BOTH devices. You don't think that one is still . . .
Hang in There!
BH
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